Love the little Squirts

God gives us many little blessings, and some big ones too. Some people I think take for granted all the blessings which we receive. I know sometimes I do.

I spend most of my time at home, being a mother to two very demanding children. And let me tell you...it is Not easy. There are times when I would love nothing more than to bang my head against the wall and pull all my hair out. But then, I could not imagine living without my two little squirts. They are my world, they are my everything. They are my two little blessings from God. I dont know what I would do without them. Yes sometimes I feel like I am going to go insane from all the crying and whining and poop filled presents. But when you look at your kids, I mean really look at them, you see how wonderful they are and how special they are. It made me realize how special I really am. God gave me these two perfect little people who need me and rely on me, and love me. It is such a big responsibility, yet such a big blessing.

So people, when you feel like things are just crazy and you want to rip your hair out, take a good look at your blessings, and thank God for them.

A Really Good Book

There is this really Good GOOD book out there (Sarah this is for you) that I think every woman should get her hands on. It is called Captivating. I havent finished it yet, but oh my goodness! It is such an uplifting thing. Just reading through it you end up saying "Is that why this happens" or "Is that why I do that". It all makes complete sense after you read it. I am not joking. It makes thing smore clear and it makes you feel more comfortable in your skin as a woman. God is so amazing in how He created us. Just go read it....

Feeling Down

So I have this thing that comes and goes. Sometimes it makes me upset, sometimes it makes me really down. I always wanted to join the military. It was just something that I desired to do. Due to a condition called scoliosis, I couldnt go in. I had surgery on April 24, 2006 and it straightened my back out. The military wont take me with the rods in my spine either (although I am very thankful for having my back fixed. I know that it was part of God's plan.) It is very hard for me to see things on TV that have to do with people going to basic training. And it is also hard for me when people around me are talking about being in the military, which makes me feel left out because I cant join the conversation. I feel like I am a loser. I feel like I have nothing that makes me special or anything that makes me a part of anything. I hear my husbands friends brag about their wives ALL the time. Its hard for me because I feel like I am nothing to brag about. Am I a failure? Am I a loser? I feel bad for thinking these things sometimes. But this is how I feel. I cant lie about the way I feel. It may sound bad, or even childish, but that really means nothing. You can view it how you want. But these are my feelings.
What does it mean to be a part of something more? God knows what He has in store for us. The hard part is waiting to see what that may be. Is it right in front of me? Or has it not happened yet? I love adventure, and have always wanted to be on one. I guess its that same being a part of something thing. Hmph....

A Dream

I have a dream...Lol..heard it before? Probably, thanks to Martin Luther King, Jr. Well, I have one too. As some may know, I am getting into modeling, trying to start my career. Well, I have been looking at a lot of pictures done by other models, and I have noticed that a lot of women are doing things that I would never do. And one major thing...they look, and appear to be, perfect. Whats the problem with this? Women are getting it in their heads that we are supposed to be small, skinny, no stretch marks, nothing. No flaws. Well, I dont want to represent that in my modeling. I want to show off my flaws. I want women to see that they are still beautiful even if they have things like stretch marks, or fat. We dont all have to be little and perfect looking, with no handlebars. Well by George, I have a slight muffin top, and I am proud of it! Without the extra weight on my body, I would not have provided such a good home for my children in my body when I was pregnant.
So when I take pictures, I want to put out a new image. We are ALL beautiful. No matter what, with all of our flaws. We are all perfect, because God made us who we are. Not just to try to be someone else, but to be whow we were created to be. God knew us before that egg even split. Before sperm met the egg. Before anything. He knew. And He knew that we would be beautiful. God is Beauty. Beauty is God.

Bad Ways to Seek Attention

Ok, another one. I know, two in one day..come on...Anyways... Like I said, I am going to be completely honest in my blogs. How many of you have done things to get attention? Like tonight, I was sitting on the couch with my husband, and I started calling myself fat. What a bad way to get attention. I know it is, and I don't know why I really did. I mean, I know I want attention, but why did I do that to get it? It is a bad way to get attention. And it doesn't get the attention wanted. It gets more of a "I'm not even gonna respond to that." and then silence. Attention..yes, but not for long. I guess its good that I am recognizing this right now. Ladies, if you want attention, don't use negativity to get it. It doesn't work, and makes you feel worse.

What is it to be beautiful?

I know a lot of women feel the same way and wonder the same things. What is it to be beautiful? How do we, as women, come to feel that we are beautiful? Is it by compliments we receive? Is it how we do our hair or make-up? Is it the way we dress? Why is it, that society has come to create this false image on what "beautiful" is in a woman?
I am going to be completely honest here. Everyday, I look in the mirror, and I find things with myself that I am not happy with. I look at the fat around my hips, my handle bars, my thighs, my arms, my boobs... There is always something I can find wrong. And why is that? Why can't I just be happy with the way I look? Why can't I just feel beautiful? There is an answer, but not many know where to look. I do. Why can't we all just look towards God? After all, God IS Beauty. HE is everything. He is all we need to feel like the beautiful women we are.
We shouldn't be looking on TV, and in magazines. All that stuff is is false reality. Everyone thinks that movie stars and models are the image of a perfect woman. They are not. They have their flaws, just like any of us.
So instead of looking for that false reality that we call a beautiful woman, look towards true beauty. Look towards the Lord. He is all any woman really needs. Next time you feel like you are ugly or all alone, and imperfect, think. Think about who created you, and how perfect He is.